The ENFOCER. Who is he? (she?). What does he do? Does he “enfoce” his laws on the streets of Bethesda, in his hummer?
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In case of fire do not put finger in electrical socket:
In case of low sales remove dead tree from window display:
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I mean, I can count like 20+ different types (brand, size, type of vitamin added) of orange juice in this photo alone and that’s not including the ones that are too small to see. Maybe I was disappointed cuz my expectations were high – we were at Harris Teeter for the first time. Everyone kept telling me it’s a cross between Whole Foods and Trader Joes but instead it’s just a cleaner and better-stocked Safeway. Thirty kinds of orange juice, plenty of cereals that contain marshmallows and/or neon colors, a good Hormel selection (I like to put Hormel brand pork products in the blender for a quick high protein smoothie before I work out).
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A brief walk in an alley revealed 3 things:
A gay vehicle whose (humorous) significance may only be recognized by Persians.
Low quality stencil graffiti.
A church that worships the Redskins.
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These onion flowers go through an interesting phase right before blooming. They remind me of my dad’s out-of-control eyebrows. Or scraggly old witch’s fingers. Part of me is antsy to transfer my vegetables to the pots but a larger part of me is enjoying watching the flowers progress.
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He is a cutie, you can’t deny it. Does this mean that there’s also Black people for Hillary? Do women like Obama more than Black people like Hillary? What about Koreans, in general – who do they like? Me too.
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The best thing about buying a bright yellow smartcar is that the number of people that want to be your friends goes up, like, 1000%. This couple walked by, smiled, and then returned 5min later with their camera in hand. We quickly bonded and built a meaningful relationship based on them wanting to be seen with our car.
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It’s official: today, millions of people nationwide are driving to work on National Bike to Work Day. When I heard it was going to rain I thought “Great! Now I too can drive to work on Bike to Work Day!” My only regret being that I’d miss out on the free T-shirt. But then my wife needed the car and I was forced to brave the wet on my Cannondale. And I got two free T-shirts. Being a white person, this excited me.
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Found a baby pterodactyl on a hike along the Billy Goat Trail. It bit me so I left him for dust. I guess what can you expect when you’re playing with pterodactyls.
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Did some late night clubbin’ the other night and was feeling a little hungry like I do after a long night of partying so I got a slice of pizza. It was actually some of the better pizza I’ve had lately so I was sad to lose some of it when I horked up some foil that I accidentally chewed off. But in the long run it was for the best because now I don’t have Alzheimer’s. Plus, it was exciting to be able to squeeze both it and the regurgitated pizza into the same shot (hard to do with a cameraphone)
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Went to a baby shower today and our route there involved a brief stay on Backlick road, which I enjoyed.
We had to get a card and I voted for this one. Do pets have souls? Regardless, my choice of card was vetoed.
There was this cute thing where you write advice for the parents to be. The kid of the host gave the advice pictured in panel b. I liked it so much I included the slapping part in my advice.
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The nice thing about a car is that you can go places. For example, at 12:00pm on Saturday my smart co-owner proposed we drive up to New York. I took 3 ibuprofen, had 2 double espressos and a cold shower and by 12:30pm I was in a state of mind where I could say “Yes – let’s do it!”. And off we went.
When she asked if it was an “indoor” bathroom I said yes. But she meant one of those bathrooms that you enter from the indoors, which it wasn’t. It’s true, some things you enter from the outdoors aren’t as nice (bathrooms, motel rooms, crackhouses).
When we arrived in NYC I saw this bumper sticker that says if you shoot a cop you get a $10 000 reward. That’s decent money. Funny thing is that is was located on a police vehicle, of all things.
It’s just as easy to park a smart car in NYC as it is in Washington. You can tell this because this photo has a view from our final destination, and the car is only a stone’s throw away. It was actually more fun to watch people interact with the car from afar than it was to explore NYC (see those 2 people?).
There’s a real problem with white negros in NYC.
I just don’t get this. Is the solution to get drugged and march for peace? Then get back to the office and do some planning on how to achieve world peace? Or, maybe wait for the drugs to wear off and then do the planning part? Or, on a different level: “Maybe if we combine “drugs” with “peace” they’ll legalize the drugs! (or at least let us take them for the march!)”
Near the end of the trip we found ourselves in Soho or Chinatown or something. I don’t know except there were friggin bag and watch sellers everywhere verbally accosting me and trying to sell me crap. After I shot the cop and collected my reward I bought one item from each of them just to shut them up.
To make this trip a palindrome we stopped off at the Starbucks shown earlier to get a coffee for the road (to really make it a palindrome I also followed the coffee with a redbull). The amazing thing about this Starbucks is the manager’s name. I’ve often thought about great or odd names I could make a reality when I have my firstborn (usually involves making the first name the same as the last, or making the first name some inanimate object like “table”). But I never would have thought of this cool name: Spacious Starkes.
(Oh, yeah, the smartcart held up. Did you think it couldn’t take the highway?)
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Asked about the fest’s rumored price tag, Combs smiles and responds: “It’s up there, but I can’t confirm it’s $4 million. It’s priceless.”
Wearing a royal blue sweater over an elegant shirt and tie, with cufflinks shimmering next to a Cartier watch, Combs said he hasn’t rewarded himself for the Walk of Fame star with any new toys or baubles. “We going through a recession right now, so I’m cutting back,” he said. “Whatever I don’t need, I’m just not buying it.”
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This was kinda funny and then I thought, “No – this is kinda serious”. Then I found this news item from exactly 1 year ago which said 53 out of the total 8800 DC hydrants are broken. And I thought, “Hey, that’s only 0.6% – not bad!” But then the article describes how a library burnt down cuz firefighters tried 3 hydrants before they found a working one. Out of the 53 nonfunctional hydrants they chanced upon 3 of them? “Kinda funny,” I thought. So I went to the water and sewer authority website and found a google earth plugin with a list of bad hydrants in DC. Went to 16th and Montague and found the suspect hydrant: last inspected 6/21/07. “This is bullsh*t – busted hydrants everywhere!” 
But then I clicked on the button that displays all the hydrants (not just the busted ones) and my faith in WASA was restored*. They’ve entered every single hydrant in the city into google earth. They have a database. Everything is OK.
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Check out this cute little number (the one with doors). We’ve had it for 7 days now.
1) The novelty of having people smile, laugh (with/at) and discuss your car has worn off. We might as well be driving a Lamborghini given how much attention it gets. Seriously. The other cute little number in this picture puts it like this: “It’s like we’re Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. For like 6 months, until these things become more common, we’re basically celebrities!”
2) The novelty of always being able to park in the most difficult area of Washington, DC (Adams Morgan) has NOT worn off. I feel like the smartest guy around every time I squeeze into a spot no one else can fit into, often the same spot I left hours earlier.
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Some days I’m on the metro just tearing up shit. Well, tearing up the Express. Taking out liposuction ads and ads about Philadelphia. Just what is the fantastic deal here? A free “gift”? Free parking? Why is this tough guy in (his?) PJs holding a teddy bear? Cute little teddy bear? Damascus?
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Got a chicken sandwich last night from Granja de Oro, an excellent Peruvian chicken place in the Adams Morgan area of DC. They’ve got these great styrofoam takeout containers. Which they must get because they’re either patriotic or cheap.
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Then, on the back of Sharon Meadow’s realtor ad was this unbelievable tote bag ad. Awesome! I keep picturing different kinds of people wearing it and each time it looks completely unnatural. And where’s the lower part of her body?
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Was cleaning up some papers and came across this gem.
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My Halifax crew finds some good stuff sometimes (see above). I was just back there and noticing how the ads in the papers were just a little “off” compared to what I’m used to. Facial expressions just a bit odd, unflattering pictures etc. It made me wonder if being isolated, geographically, helps Halifax to be such an artistic and creative city but also helps it seem a bit retarded sometimes (retarded in a good and fun way).
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Guess what the mysterystick is. OK. I’ll give you a clue. It’s a hair from my face. Sometimes I get these hairs that are like sticks and they look like bristles found on heavy duty scrubbing brushes. Chinese people that can write your name on a grain of rice could probably split these hairs about 30 times. Records could be set with these hairs. For $10 I’ll sell you one (I’m not joking). But I want co-authorship on the record (well, maybe authorship is a bit much, but acknowledgement…)
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I like the pixelation of newsprint.
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Several million people in the DC metro area are all well aware of the new Target store in Columbia Heights. People really, really love Target here. It’s true – there aren’t as many small independent businesses as some other places in the world so Target makes people say things like, “I’m so excited about target! Where else can you buy a garbage can, a vegetable peeler and Urine-B-Gone?!” We strolled over there soon after it opened and found the Urine-B-Gone. It’s great stuff: “For pet or people accidents.” But forget the accidents part. You can just wet your pants, wet the bed, spray this stuff – problem solved! I’m hoping DC will soon get a Wal-Mart and that they’ll sell Feces-B-Gone.
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The free daily here in DC, the Express, has a healthy selection of photos of unhealthy skin. Which I’m about to cover in more detail. Here’s a teaser.
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I heard a squeak to my left and saw a guy opening his pill container. Thought it was just the plastic rubbing but then I looked over later and saw him, very discreetly, to the point of being obvious, feeding this little lovebird on his lap.
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At the National Institutes of Health you can find these advanced systems for monitoring which floors the elevators are on. I swear it says “Futura” at the top, and is really some primitive video game.
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I’ll take my shoes off any chance I get but this guy actually took off his socks too. He was also kinda massaging and picking at them which was kinda gross. But he didn’t look homeless or crazy. In fact, he was wearing a suit.
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Believe it or not, you buy a lot of sex-related stuff at Rite Aid. Including this powerful massager with flutter action. I also like how the sex section was buffered on either side by walkers and crutches (recreation shown here). This is Rite Aid at Connecticut and Florida btw.
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So humans have been in Oregon for 15 000 years and you know how they know this? They found their poop. Makes me glad I’ve been saving mine.
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Went for a nice bike ride on the weekend on the Sligo and NE Branch trails in Md. Perhaps the best thing was these daffodils in the woods. Someone musta gone out of their way to plant them. I tried this with sunflowers for the last 2 summers but it didn’t work: the first summer I planted them in a park at 19th and Kalorama and park gardeners cut them down. Last summer I planted them along the Capitol Crescent trail and deer ate them. Seems like maybe daffodils are the way to go for renegade gardening. Although I do have 5 packets of sunflower seeds waiting…have some ideas…
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I usually buy a lot of stuff at Rite Aid based on the window displays. Sports clothes, artificial Christmas trees etc. But I couldn’t tell whether the clothes on the mannequin on the right are meant for me or not. Is that a man? If I can’t even tell and I like the clothes should I just wear them anyway and not be so concerned with my image? Contrast this with Olivia, the well endowed mannequin with a rounded buttocks.
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These are great. I snagged one of these for the little girl I don’t even have yet, just in case they don’t make ‘em when she’s old enough to want one. It’s the rite thing to do. It will aid her development.
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As usual I got to planting my seeds a bit late this year. Well, this one may have been planted on time but I still haven’t gotten to my tomatoes etc. This guy popped up a couple days ago, about 5 days after planting. I think it’s swiss chard. Now he’s outside. It’s definitely a guy.
This one’s some kind of lettuce.
Basil – now about 2 weeks old.
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It works.
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